ozzgod at ozzfest '06

it's not just a concert... it's an adventure

Let me start off by saying thanks to Daniel, 80, Rick, Christine, Bryan, Russell and Priscilla for a really good time. I wouldn't have done it if not for you. And a special thanks to my wife, Pinkie, for understanding my need to not always be a grown-up and for letting me act on that need... I love you.

The last time I bought tickets to Ozzfest was in 2003. That year I was going to go with my son, Conrad... except shit happened... we didn't go. And when Ozzfest rolled around in ’04 and ’05 our friends would call and see if I wanted to go... and I would turn them down. When tickets went on sale for this year’s Ozzfest the first one to call me was Rick. He told me that there was no way I could miss this year’s show. Without thinking I said yes. I hung up the phone, looked at Pinkie and said, “I’m going to Ozzfest.” For some reason it felt right this time.

My Ozzfest was on Saturday July 8th outside of San Bernardino, California. I went with the usual suspects... Conrad’s friends... who have become my friends. I rode with Daniel, 80 and Christine. Daniel drove... which was great because I could party... hard. It wouldn’t be too inaccurate to say that I was totally blitzed the entire weekend. We got there the night before the concert and left the day after. Daniel got us a room at a hotel about 10-15 minutes away from the Hyundai (formally Blockbuster) Pavilion, where Ozzfest was being held. Thank you, Daniel. You know... Glen Helen Regional Park, where the Hyundai Pavilion is located, is only a little over an hour from my house if traffic is good; it’s an hour and a half plus if traffic sucks... and it usually does. We could’ve driven there on the day of the concert and drove back that night right after the show; a lot of people did... but why? Fuck man, this was a party. It’s a no-brainer... an entire weekend is required.

Friday night was spent partying. Daniel and 80 brought their bullet blender with them and a whole shitload of mixin's... and with free ice from the hotel, Daniel went right to work mixin' as soon as we got there. Later we stumbled around a town we didn’t really know, looking for something to eat. The area looked like it had been built the week before. Like our hotel, everything was new or under construction and only half occupied... and what was occupied wasn’t open. Don't get me wrong... the hotel we stayed in was great... one of the Hyatt chains... indoor pool... nice people... very clean... just built last week. We were staying across from what once was the Ontario Motor Speedway. I have history with that place... good history. I was there for Cal-Jam II in the 70’s. From my hotel room window I could see shadows from my past coming full circle. The racetrack is gone now... a fucking mall in its place. It’s your typical southern California speculation sprawl... don't think... don't plan... just build because you fucking can. And don't ask the people what they want... force it on them. Speaking of people, there weren’t a hell of a lot of them out and about that night, either... and that just gave the whole area a kind of Twilight Zone/slasher flick feel. That, at least, was my perception and that’s how it’s filed in my memory. I was toast... I'm sure I've misplaced a few details. At any rate, it was late when we finally found a place that was open and still serving... a shitty fake Mexican restaurant in a strip mall serving even shittier fake Mexican food... but the beer was good.

The next morning, Ozzfest day, we slept in late. We didn’t give a shit about the morning bands on the second stage. We were there for Ozzy, Black Label Society and some of the main stage acts. We just needed to get to the second stage before three o’clock that afternoon... Rick said that's when BLS went on... and after BLS comes Ozzy. So the first thing we do when we get up is start partying. We had time to kill... and besides, they charge an arm and a leg for beer inside Ozzfest... so it was in our best interest to be well toned by the time we got to the concert. After working out with some really tasty potent potables and other benign goodies, we left for the show...

We got to Ozzfest and parked. It was a bit surreal for me to be at Glen Helen Regional Park again. The last time I was there, Conrad was with us... for a renaissance fair... more shadows from the past. Because we didn’t have the foresight to pay the 40 bucks for premium parking we had to park about 50 miles away and walk from there to the concert... uphill the whole way... in the middle of summer. We partied a bit more before we set out for the show. I'd brought my camera with me but I decided to leave it in the car because I heard cameras weren’t allowed and I didn’t want to hike it back if I failed to sneak it in. After we walked like 75 miles... uphill... in the middle of summer... we finally get to the entrance of Glen Helen Regional Park where the Hyundai Pavilion is located. It’s manned by the California Highway Patrol and rent-a-cops. One rent-a-cop is telling people that they can bring in cameras... another one says you can’t... they call for clarification from a supervisor... she says okay to the cameras. At that point I figured too bad, so sad, I'd already left my camera in the car... and I wasn’t about to walk all the way back to the car just to get it.

However... Daniel had slung over his shoulder what he calls his ‘man-sack’... it’s really a one-strap backpack... and backpacks weren’t allowed inside Ozzfest. So Daniel starts arguing with the rent-a-cops. And his arguments were valid... they were letting females in with large shoulder purses... his ‘man-sack’ is even smaller than some purses they were letting by... he was willing to have it searched... why couldn’t he take his man-sack in like girls do their purses? The rent-a-cops wouldn’t hear any of it. They said he could go on to the entrance... another 50 or so miles further... uphill... in the middle of summer... but he would definitely be turned back at the gate if he tried to take his man-sack in. Daniel finally settled on forcing the rent-a-cop to say ‘man-sack’ instead of ‘backpack’... which was a small victory in itself. So Daniel had two choices... toss his prized man-sack and move forward... or take his man-sack back to the car. He decided to take it back to the car. He told the rest of us to go on ahead and he would catch up with us. But shit, man... that ain’t cool... I couldn’t let him hike back by himself... so I went with him. Besides, since the rent-a-cop supervisor said cameras were okay, I figured I might as well get mine after all.

Off Daniel and I go, back to the car... the others in our group went on ahead. We get to the car, dump the man-sack and pick up my camera. I think we did an attitude adjustment on our buzzes while we were there... though I can’t be sure... another misfiled moment. Anyway, after walking 200 miles round trip... uphill both ways... in the middle of fucking summer... we get back to the park entrance where Dumb and Dumber are still going back and forth over the camera issue. It worried me... but, fuck it, I wasn’t about to go back to the car again. So we moved on to the entrance to Ozzfest... uphill all of the fucking way... in the middle of summer... about a hundred miles away.

Did I mention that it was fucking hot...? Anybody that's been to this place in the middle of summer knows just what I'm talking about. And EVERYTHING is uphill... shuttle service anyone...? You could make a fortune... I would've paid big bucks for a ride.

Then we get to the security area before the gates... they’re searching everybody... even making people take their boots and shoes off. My turn and the lady says I can’t take my camera in. WHAT! FUCK YOU! I just walked for 40 days and 40 nights through the fucking desert in the middle of summer... uphill all the way... and they want me toss my camera... or take it back to the car. I tell her what the other rent-a-fucks said... she says she’s the final word... no cameras. We make her call for clarification from her stupidvisor. After some cop-speak with her boss she asks me if my camera is film or digital. I tell her digital. She informs me that cameras ARE allowed if they’re not digital... mine is not allowed. I’m like, fucked. Daniel was becoming very vocal at this point... it's nice to have friends with you when you're up to your neck in shit and sinking fast. The bitch had me by the balls... toss it or walk it back... shit. IT REALLY IS A LONG FUCKING WAY BACK TO THE CAR FROM THE ENTRANCE... AND IT'S HOTTER THAN HELL, TOO! I think I played the 'old man card' at this point... that's right, I said it... I traded on my age, which allowed me to whine. I think I might've started complaining about my achey back and knees and how I was too old for this shit... I might have even limped a little. Then the rent-a-cop asks me if my camera has batteries... I tell her sure. She says if I take out the batteries and toss them I can go in with my camera. Fuckin’ done deal... I whipped out the batteries and gave them to her before she could change her mind and watched as she tossed my batteries in the trash. She rushed us through after that and didn’t bother to check my camera case. Too bad for her... it was holding, in their own zippered pouch, freshly charged batteries. I stuck those in my camera as soon as I walked through the gates. She just wanted me, my bitching and my camera to move the fuck on... fucking rent-a-cops are so easily distracted... which was great because they forgot to search the rest of me or Daniel... which was... you know... a good thing. Chalk one up for the little guy... there is a method to his madness... even if he doesn't know it or control it.

We hooked up with the others inside, found Rick, and headed over to the second stage area which was WAY over on the other side of the Pavilion, past the vendors, past the main stage, down a hill and into an area that was little more than a dirt and grass parking lot. Of course we were fucking late... Black Label had already started. The second stage area made me feel like I was at a county fair... all dirt, dust and heat. It wasn’t crowded when we got there... which surprised me. We got right up close and to the side in the shade of some trees. BLS sounded great... don’t ask me for a set list... I couldn’t tell you... all I know is they sounded great and I know I'll be seeing them again. Next came Ozzy... and it was worth the wait. His voice was in great shape... and he looked like he was having fun. He sprayed the crowd A LOT with water during his performance. Ozzy did his set list as advertised. And when Ozzy sang, like I knew he would, ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’... I cried. That song is on Conrad’s CD. Ozzy’s set was short... way too fucking short... hardly an hour. If I remember right (another misplaced file) this is what he sang... and these are not in order either... I Don’t Know, Suicide Solution, Crazy Train, Mr. Crowley, Mama I’m Coming Home, Road To Nowhere, Flying High Again, and Paranoid. I’m pretty sure that’s it... somebody correct me if I’m wrong. And then it was over... people just stood there or milled about waiting for more... they were like, “That’s it?” Yep, that’s it bud... Sharon Osbourne suckered you by using her husband’s name to get you to throw down your hard earned bucks to go see lesser bands that, for the most part, you wouldn’t have paid to see before. And just so you don’t call her a liar, she’ll let you see Ozzy perform... but only a little bit... a short listen to the Godfather... just enough to piss you off when he leaves the stage.

And that means it's time for a rant...

I've got to say that whoever came up with this shit of Ozzy ‘headlining’ the second stage needs to have their fucking ass kicked. Ya hear me, Sharon? I’m pointing my finger at you. As a lifelong fan of Ozzy I was fucking shocked that, almost a month after I buy my ticket, Ozzy’s camp makes the announcement that Ozzy would play the second stage. Bullshit... I was pissed... I still am. Some kind of shit was passed around saying that Ozzy was taking the second stage so that he could start handing over the Ozzfest reigns to the younger bands... bullshit. What I got from Ozzy at this year’s Ozzfest was bullshit... Ozzy sounded great, but his show was shit. Second stage... short set... in the end he came off being nothing more than an opening act. It was sad really... like Ozzy had been put out to pasture. IT WAS WRONG! I love the man... but this was wrong. Ozzy didn't even play some venues... and those fans REALLY got fucked. I'm still surprised that some people even paid for, and went to, an OZZfest without OZZy... fuck. In my opinion, there really wasn’t an Ozzfest in 2006... there was a SOADfest... or a Disturbedfest... or, you could even argue, a BLSfest. In fact, I think that since Ozzy didn't headline the main stage, Black Label Society should have... or does that make TOO MUCH SENSE...? If Ozzy wants to pass on the legacy of Ozzfest, who's better qualified than Zakk to take the torch? Who's played more Ozzfests than any other musician besides Ozzy? Not only could Zakk fill the bill musically... but he's fucking earned it. Seriously... bring rock back to metal. Somebody had their head up their fucking ass on this one. Sharon allowed this to happen because she knew she could get away with it and still make $$$$$. Shame on you, Sharon... you took advantage of the fans' loyalty to Ozzy. Ozzy either headlines or you don’t have an Ozzfest... simple... and fucking obvious. I paid to see The Man... I was cheated. You fucked up, Sharon… it happens... don’t let it happen again. I don't think I’ll ever attend another Ozzfest without Ozzy in the number one spot... and I don't think I'd believe you if you told me he was. I’ll stick solely to solo Ozzy concerts. If Ozzy wants to go into semi-retirement... great... good for him... who could blame him... he's earned that. But let Ozzfest retire with some dignity with him... it had a good fucking run. If this shit continues, Ozzfest will die a withering, painful and embarrassing death... though I think that Sharon, with her eye always on the bottom line... and not the interests of the fans, will pull the plug long before that happens.

End of rant.

Anyway... the crowd next moved over to the main stage. That took awhile... it was a human traffic jam getting to the main stage area... fuckin’ wall-to-wall sweaty fuckin’ bodies. Of course everybody had to take a piss at that time... lines out the door and around the building. Add to that all the people who picked that time to get something to eat or drink and you’ve got gridlock. But everybody was pretty cool about it and after standing in the sun... in the middle of summer... for at least 5 days... we finally made it to the main stage. Yea, we had seats... loge seats... center stage... not too shabby... could’ve been better... but I’ve done worse. We were far better off than the fucks stuck in the ‘lawn’ area. We got to our seats around 5 pm... nice... in the sun... facing west... in the middle of summer... oh yeah... burn, baby, burn. Did I mention that, in the middle of summer, the sun doesn't set in that area of southern California until around 8:00 pm? Ain't no fun watchin' a band when you can't see them because the mother fucking summer sun is hovering... for hours... right above the fucking stage... right in your fucking eyes. I just pulled my hat low, hid behind my sunglasses and bandana, got fuckin’ blitzed with my friends and waited for the sun to go down.

I don’t remember who came on first... I know I liked what I heard from Laguna Coil... and I don’t like Hatebreed... never did. When Avenged Sevenfold came on they started out sounding good. I think I might even like them if I was ever given a chance to listen to their music. Because shortly after Avenged Sevenfold started their set, the power went out... not just to the stage, but also to the whole fucking Hyundai Pavilion. Bryan, who had been there all day, told us that the place had lost power earlier in the day when Atreyu was playing the second stage. Great... it’s getting dark and the crowd is growing restless and we’re out in the middle of fucking nowhere. After about twenty minutes the power came back on and Avenged Sevenfold launched into their set... only to get cut off again when the power died one more time. Everybody in the whole place was pissed... all at once. There was no way for anybody to make an announcement about what was going on. The crowd was really getting nasty... and, on a selfish note, they were fuckin’ up my buzz. People in the lawn area, which is separated from the seated area by a low fence and a walkway, started throwing shit into the loge seating... loge threw it back and also threw shit at the people sitting in front of us, closer to the stage... of course they started throwing shit back. Nothing was off limits... cups or bottles full of ice, soda, beer or piss... oranges and lemons were VERY popular and they fucking hurt... anything and everything was being thrown. But the fucking worst thing being thrown was suntan lotion. Sure, Ozzfest won’t allow cameras in... but bring in those HARD bottles and SHARP tubes FULL of suntan lotion. Jeeze... fucking people... they’d take the caps off and throw the bottles and tubes like hand grenades. When they hit they’d explode, spraying fucking suntan lotion all over the fucking place. It was a fucking mess... everybody, including us, was covered in it. While people were catching the other shit that was thrown at them and throwing it right back, everyone learned quickly not to try and catch the lotion bottles. They would just explode when they hit your hand... as Daniel found out the hard way. Mother fuck there were a lot of them. And because it was getting dark, it was becoming increasingly difficult to see them as they came flying towards you. It was war and it was, in all honesty, fun. However, if you didn't see one coming at you in time to duck for cover... it fucking hurt when it hit you. One grazed me on the shoulder... so I’ll say it again... THEY FUCKING HURT!

About this time somebody... I’m guessing Ozzfest officials... light a bunch of bonfires behind the people on the lawn. The smoke is blowing towards us and the stage... they’re burning plastic and other trash and the whole area gets covered with a black noxious cloud of man’s industrial stench... the shit stank... and yep, it was fucking up my buzz. At first we thought the crowd on the lawn started the fires... later we learned they were sanctioned. And when I looked back to the crowd on the lawn... screaming, yelling, pushing, shouting and throwing anything they could get their fucking hands on... backlit by the orange glow of black sooty fires... I was a little bit afraid... but in a good way. It was very primal in an out-of-control rock 'n roll sort of way... you could even say, rightfully so, that it was close to becoming a riot. There were A LOT of drunk and fucked up headbangers in one place with nothing to bang their heads to. I was worried, but I was excited, too... this night could go anywhere. Take away a man's music and there'll be hell to pay for sure. About a half hour into the second power outage somebody gets a generator running and they make an announcement that power has gone off for the entire area... not just the park. There’s nothing they can do but wait it out. Brownouts and rolling blackouts are common in southern California during the summer. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter the lawn crowd started throwing clumps of sod and dirt... and then rocks... things looked serious. I saw people getting hurt... it was starting not to be fun anymore.

Finally, after being off for almost/about/I think (shit, where is that file?) an hour, the power came back on... the crowd quit trying to hurt themselves... and after a reboot my buzz was on again. The rest of the show rocked... unfortunately, Avenged Sevenfold got their set cut short. System Of A Down sounded great and had a blinding light show. I’m not really a big fan of System Of A Down but Daniel is hardcore with them so that makes them okay in my book... and they did put on a really good show. I've always liked Disturbed... I think they should’ve closed the show over SOAD... just my opinion... sorry Daniel.

After the show we went out and got something to eat... a Denny's I think... there weren't a lot of places open in the area at that time. We went back to our room... and partied some more. We slept in late the next day and then drove home.

They say that fun is where you find it. Despite the bullshit politics of Ozzfest's second stage, I had a lot of fucking fun at this year's Ozzfest... and I have a lot of great memories, too. Conrad would've had a good time...

I've recently been told... and I don't know how true it is and, if it is true, when it will happen... that the Hyundai Pavilion and Glen Helen Regional Park are going the way of the Ontario Motor Speedway... to be replaced by upscale housing...

more speculation sprawl...

more shadows of futures' past...

rock on...